O pompous face of the White Male Author,
Handsome enough, but not too handsome,
Demon of a VIDA nightmare.
If you name your fake town St. Jude
You cannot then explain the reference:
It insults your reader’s intelligence.
Wherefore this notion that you are the best?
Even in your White Male cohort, you pale to kings.
Give me my Eugenides! My virgin suicide!
There you are on the cover of TIME.
“The Great American Novelist,” it proclaims.
Hitler also graced that cover. Stalin, too.
A writer ignorant of Facebook and Twitter
Is not equipped to write on How We Live Now.
AMERICA: My country t’isn’t of thee.
PURITY, the new one. Orwellian title, no?
You have come to refine American letters,
To cast out all contaminants.
But impurity is what makes literature, sir.
Take your binoculars and go away.
Your books, like your passions, are for the birds.