SEVEN THINGS WE DON’T CARE ABOUT THIS WEEK: WHACHUWHACHU DON’TWANT

“Not caring about things since 1971, so you don’t have to.”

 

Like I Give A Shit

 

8. Neon sportswear — What are you all got-up as, irradiated pie filling? Because that’s what you look like, irradiated pie-filling.

 

Neon Beef

7. Taylor Swift does something — A life spent fumbling through a darkened room in a wetsuit.

6. Upcoming IPhone release — Time travelers are already making fun of it.

5. Steakhouse open-carry pistoleros — Remember the Alamode!

 

Steakhouse Pistoleros

 

4. North West — It’s not your fault, Northwest. I know it might seem goodbad right now what with your momdad being so presentnabsent, but onedaynever you mightwon’t be able to have anormalifedeleriumtremensonVH1.

3. Boysenberry Syrup at IHOP — A cloying admixture of leftover blueberry and strawberry syrups.

2. 116-year-old Japanese woman, oldest on record — Go on, live a little.

1. Ice bucket over head for ALS — Huy-Fong-Chili-Garlic-water-pistol in eye for Landau Kleffner, glove full of Amazonian bullet ants for Tardive Dyskinesia. Just write the check.

About Don and Jenny Armbruster

Don and Jenny Armbruster met in the Peace Corps in Switzerland in 1992. After two years of digging wells in Basel, they moved to the Upper East Side, where Don opened the world-renown Armbruster Gallery. Jenny has posed for some of the top avant garde painters and theoretical sculptors working today. They collect rare Merlot, raise championship beagles, and remain huge supporters of the arts. They are presently working together on a cookbook called "Eating Like Van Gogh: Fine Cuisine for Starry Nights."
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