Seven Things We Can’t Be Fucked About This Week — Men in White Hats Edition

 “Not caring about things since 1971, so you don’t have to.”

 

indifferent

 

7. Celebrity Entrepreneur Bastards — On investment TV shows like Shark Tank, celebrity venture capitalists like Kevin O’Leary of SoftKey, and Laurie Greiner of QVC, and Daymond John of FUBU consistently advise hopeful entrepreneurs that to lower costs and increase profits they must shift production to China, all the while waving the Stars-and-Stripes and waxing poetic about how entrepreneurship is the realization of the fucking American Dream, when in reality shifting production to China just consigns more human beings to virtual slavery in Foxconn. There’s little girls—ten-year-olds—with bleeding fingers, stitching together cheap ready-to-wear for the gluttonous bastards of Middle America, and these diamond-pinky-ring bastards fucking encourage it, clinking champagne glasses on yachts in celebration of their dirty deals, ha-ha-ha-how-fucking-clever-we-are gaming the system . . . and it makes my blood boil.

 

foxconn

 

6. Luxury Upscaling of Shite — We’ve become so bloody habituated to plastic manufactured shite that authentic quality shite’s an abnormality and we’re prepared to pay premium for what was once just regular run-of-the-mill shite.

5. People What Ain’t Me — Sometimes they get to mouthing off and I wanna smash ‘em in the gob just for existing. But I’m all for the nonviolence now.

4. Adam Sandler — Forget that he’s about as funny as Jerry Lewis with Tourette’s.

 

human stain

 

3. Acceptance of Everything as Normal — I’d be the first to admit that I wasn’t always the most liberal person. My insecurities fostered a sort of condescending rage and an antipathy for what I understood as weakness. But what I was really doing was attempting to distance myself from my own weaknesses by focusing on what I couldn’t accept in other people. I would attack and scapegoat things in others that was unacceptable in my own character. Fuck it. Let ’em do what they want.

2. Now You Have to Pretend Bruce Jenner isn’t a Superficial Attention-Seeking Git Famous for Multiple Expensive Botched Plastic Surgeries.

 

you got the look that nazi nazi look

 

1. Not Everybody what Wears a Bloody Uniform is a Bloody Hero — Some of them is murderous cunts. It’s a fucking wonder it’s controversial to say this in the post-Nazi era. The cops literally turned their backs on New York mayor Bill de Blasio for even suggesting that shite wasn’t kosher in the police forces of America. Until we stop saying everybody’s automatically a bloody hero just because they pin on a badge and strap on a gun, we’ll never get to the root of the problem: some of them ain’t heroesa certain percentage are sadists, a certain percentage have mental or behavioral problems—just like a certain percentage of the population in general. Some of ‘em join the cops ‘cause they want to be cowboys, some like to have power over others, some want to be a part of a good-old-boy fraternity that operates above the law. How many serial killers either worked in law enforcement or impersonated police officers? How many former soldiers have committed rapes and civilian murders? How many cops have shot and killed unarmed black men for no other reason than they were black? Until you expose the fact that a lot of these fucks is racist trigger-finger hicks with mental disorders and persecution complexes, they’ll keep going out and strangling and beating and Tasing and shooting young black men with impunity.

About Old Sid Vicious

After successfully faking his death in 1979, Sid Vicious went into hiding in New York City. Unsuccessful in his efforts to discover the real killer of his girlfriend Nancy, he made his way to Los Angeles, where he kicked junk with the help of The Church of Synanon. He used his royalties from The Great Rock and Roll Swindle to purchase an estate in Honduras, where he erected several greenhouses. His subsequent propagation experiments involving the hybridization of rare orchids (he developed several hybrid species, including Cyrtopodium ritcheii and Spiranthes simon) have revolutionized horticulture. Those close to him report that he is dismissive of his stint as the Sex Pistols bassist, referring to it as, “that twilit era of my life when hubris very nearly got the better of me.” In the late nineties, he returned to Britain and took up residence in his childhood village of Tunbridge Wells, where he resides to this day. He is an amateur fishkeeper, specializing in marine aquaria, and an enthusiastic birder, having established an endowment for the preservation of the black-crowned night heron (Nycticorax nycticorax,) the doleful cry of which he is rumored to be an excellent mimic.
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