A Seven-Word Epithet on Jay-Z’s Impeding Divorce
I guess Beyoncé
Needs a new fiancé.
Leaving on a jet plane.
A Few Words of Wisdom Before the Fantasy Football Draft
You’re better off with Elle Fanning
Than that lousy Eli Manning
Peyton’s a keeper
Gronk’s a sleeper,
And good Luck trumps good planning.
~
The ISIS Solution
Fanatics have gathered, who once used to roam,
And now call the banks of the Tigris their home.
There a new caliphate they hope to build,
Sown with the bones of the faithless they’ve killed.
“Where is Obama?” they taunt and they gloat,
As their knives slice clean through an American throat.
“He does not send troops. He knows he will lose.
He’ll stall as we rid the whole region of Jews.
Praise be to Allah, for Allah is great!”
Extremists will flock to their Islamic State,
And when every last one is packed in at the souk,
They’ll look up and say, “Shit! An American nuke!”
