7 Things We Don’t Care About This Week: Haters Gonna Hate Hate Hate Hate Hate Edition


7. President Obama will have to work with the Republicans now that the Midterms are over.
Wrong! The GOP now controls the Senate, which means that the Republicans have to work with Obama—in other words, actually do something—and not the other way around. Shove the Presidential veto pen up your tight small-government ass, Mitch. Sideways.

6. LeBron James has lost a step.
It’s been two weeks, folks. They don’t need to be the number one seed. They just need to be clicking for the playoffs. Who’s gonna beat them? The Nyets?

5. It’s #NaNoWriMo.
I say if you write a 60,000 word piece of fiction in 30 days, it won’t be very good. You point out that Kerouac took speed and wrote On the Road in a week. I say you’ve made my case for me.

4. Chris Rock took it too far by making fun of ISIS.
No! ISIS should be mocked at every opportunity. If we can’t ridicule them in our sketch comedy, we may as well enact sharia law right now, because the terrorists have won.

3.The war on Christmas has begun.
Want to put “Christ” back in “Christmas”? Okay: “For Christ sake, shut up about the War on Christmas!”

2. Kim Kardashian broke the Internet with her ass.
It is sometimes also about the treble.

1. Taylor Swift is Global Welcome Ambassador to New York City.
If the Big Apple really needs a Global Welcome Ambassador—spoiler alert: it doesn’t—the pick should not be an egregiously perfect blonde from Wyomissing, Pennsylvania by way of Nashville, but an angry plumber from Bayside who flips off your taxi as you sit in traffic on the BQE.

About Billy The Poet

J. Edgar Nation must die.
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