NRA Board Member Regrets


DAVE BUTZ: playing it safe


MATT BLUNT: too many long hours at the office


KEN BLACKWELL: his bad habit of giving the impression that he’s listening


BLAINE WADE: not setting aside more quality Blaine Time


SUSAN HOWARD: the day she asked questions first


SANDRA FROMAN: that the potential grizzly bear threat never even occurred to her


TOM KING: missing the chance to use his Storm the White House! rally sign


DWIGHT VAN HORN: his confusion about whether or not the 2nd Amendment people still need to stop the judge appointments


JAMES PORTER II: never fully appreciating the panic sales


KARL MALONE: the celebrity endorsements


CRAIG MORGAN: that country music isn’t about the lobbyin’ anymore


BART SKELTON: the low ratings on his Old West fantasy simulation


ESTHER SCHNEIDER: that in today’s society we engage in unhealthy social media arguments over politics instead of settling our differences face-to-face while holding automatic firearms


REP. DAN BOREN: the ceaseless howling wind that imparts to him a single message: Leave this place


SEN. LARRY CRAIG: the dry firing


TOM SELLECK: the inappropriate jokes Senator Craig always whispers into his ear that have something to do with case lube


RICHARD CHILDRESS: realizing too late that he prefers the silencers when they’re illicit


PETE BROWNELL: that liberal elites can’t understand the struggles of average heartland Americans like him whose corporation functions with others in a multi-pronged structure as a tax-exempt lobbying firm, a campaign operative and a pro-bono legal team


ALLEN WEST: his lack of inclusion when sharing online ideas about which citizens he’d like to exterminate


RONNIE BARRETT: all the zones left dismally gun-free


SCOTT BACH: all the grieving family members he never had the chance to comfort with the suggestion that the mass shooting was fake


MARION HAMMER: that our post-apocalyptic wasteland doesn’t look as tremendous as it did in her dreams


REP. BOB BARR: the antichrist tyrants he never realized he loved


ALLAN CORS: sinking more money than any other outside group into the GOP presidential campaign and still the white supremacists get all the glory


GROVER NORQUIST: the split second when he wondered what might happen if emboldened paramilitary groups were hitched together with the unchecked power of the federal executive branch


JOE ALLBAUGH: the new ambiguity of armed resistance to the government


CAROL BAMBERY: the creeping urge to create a rogue Twitter account


REP. DON YOUNG: that they can come for his freedom to speak, protest, create, investigate, express or assemble as long as they can just leave him alone in his house with a loaded weapon


TED NUGENT: overlooked as last year’s experience candidate


JOHN BOLTON: overlooked as the new face on $20


OLIVER NORTH: never telling much larger, more obvious lies


CHRIS COX: encouraging all that patriotism


WAYNE LAPIERRE: the day he accepted the invitation to speak for the group

blue gun


About Nathaniel Missildine

Nathaniel Missildine lives in Dijon, France with his wife and two daughters. His travel memoir, Save for Fireflies, chronicles his family road trip across the U.S. as a kind of native tourist. For more, visit
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