“Not caring about things since 1971, so you don’t have to.”
Stuff You Probably Never Knew Existed — Creepy Rare Animals, Sex Phobias, Strange Medieval Terms, Canned Foods, YouTube Tricks, Earth Anomalies, DSLR Features, Hotel Butlers, Book Sequels, Manicure Tips, Cool Websites, Keyboard Shortcuts, Super-Awesome IPhone Tricks, Creepy Serial Killers, Religions, Cable News Shows, Laws, Gluten-Free Menus, Fruit-Slicing Tools, Photos of One Direction, Useful Inventions, Pepsi Flavors, Totally Awesome Kitchen Gadgets, Italian Beach Resorts, Sex-Related Words, Black Western Movies, Jaw-Dropping Weapons from World War II, Unusual Sex Fetishes, Football-Related Jobs, Home Safety Tips, Wrestling Music Albums, Candies, and Dolphins you Probably Never Knew Existed. Ignorance is bliss.
Big Tech Corporations Buying Smaller Tech Corporations for Gazillions of Dollars Because They Developed an App That Makes It Easier to Do Things No One Should Ever Do — Looking at you, Twitch, the software platform that lets you watch other people play video games.
People Who Think Obama is The Antichrist — Obama is not the Antichrist. He is Cthulu, the Great Old One who lies in death-like sleep in the sunken city of R’lyeh.
Twerking — Who cares if the fabric of the universe has been gradually ingurgitated by the undulating motion of your buttocks and life as we know it is coming to an end, right?
Craigslist — There are easier ways to stalk and kill people, with far more elegant graphic interfaces. For instance, internet start-up SerialKillApp, recently purchased by Google for 785 gazillion dollars.
Death — I used to think you were cool, dude.
Lists of Things on the Internet — 1.) Lazy, 2.) Stupid, 3.) Secondary Lists within the Original List: a.) Distracting, b.) Confuse the Issue, c.) Cascading Lists Originating from Secondary Lists that Spawn Multiple Sub-Lists: Subsection 1a.) No Way Out Now, Subsection 2b.) Air Getting Thinner, etc.