“Not caring about things since 1971, so that you don’t have to.”


Johnny cash gives the bird_thumb_w_580

7. THE (Ronald Mc) DONALD

Okay, now that Donald Trump has decided to further fatten his pockets, I mean enter the presidential race, calling the ever-growing cavalcade of ineptitude, arrogance, mendacity and self-absorption a clown car is not going to suffice. A clown caravan? The Buffoon Bus? The Imbecile Express?

Question: What do you call it when the charlatans competing to run for the highest office in the land are more amusing (if unintentionally so) than any and all jokes anyone can make about them?

Answer: The American Political System, circa 2015.


6. Us and Them (Exhibit A)

If you have ever watched one of Donald Trump’s idiotic “reality” shows, or bought one of his books, or spent more than three seconds wondering if his hair is really real, or, heaven forbid, been fooled into thinking he has a business acumen beyond “inherited wealth”, you are part of the problem. You are the problem. Do something about that.

5. Us and Them (Exhibit B)

If you still think these gun massacres are any of these things: unbelievable, unspeakable, unimaginable, you are an idiot. They are not only conceivable, but inevitable in a country where we not only have semi-automatic killing machines (for sale!), but a depressing part of the population spends their days and bed-wetting evenings worried that Big Bad Government (or Obama or the Boogeyman, or whomever) is going to take their guns away. If you are not, at long last, appalled beyond endurable limits by the inanity of our cultural and political discourse as it relates to weapons of mass destruction, you are a very large part of the problem.


4. Us and Them (Exhibit C)

If you find that, now that you think of it, you’ve ever thought of the words terror or terrorist and associated them with anyone and everyone who is not a honky, you are an idiot. And if you realize that you’ve not considered that white people are capable of acts of terror, especially white people in the good old USA, most especially white people in the good old USA armed to the tits with guns, you are part of the problem.


3. Us and Them (Exhibit D)

If you have one of those “Don’t Tread on Me” license plates and belong to the NRA, are affiliated with a particular faith, or don’t think people should pay taxes, you need a history lesson (or a lobotomy, preferably) and you are the worst type of part of the problem: a self-righteous and misguided one. Worse, you are being played like a broke-ass fiddle by charlatans who will happily empty your bank account and piss on the smoldering flames of your life after they take the last penny.

2. Us and Them (Exhibit E)

If you have believe the less government, the better, but you eat fast food, support fracking, deny climate change, hate unions and think Jesus Christ and Capitalism are compatible, congratulations, you are part of the solution for fuckers who are trying to bankrupt our country and turn our planet into a Salvador Dali painting.


1. Us and Them (Exhibit F, as in FAIL)

If you are spending several hundred or, (puke) several thousand to see The Rolling Stones roll their septuagenarian carcasses onto an overlit arena, you are part of a very special club and the Devil has No Sympathy for you.

About Harold D. Muir

Although not yet twenty, Harold D. Muir has launched numerous apps, lost a fortune in Bitcoin speculation, and ghost-written three novels. Born and raised in the UK by a now-disgraced headmaster father who led a double life as a football hooligan, Muir’s memoir Son of a Thug is currently being shopped to publishers. Presently at large in the U.S. and working on a screenplay, he credits his productivity to a regular diet of Absinthe, Bebop, and the kindness of librarians.
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