The Week in Bad Poems: The Ballad of Trump and Putin

Our president is compromised,
An agent of Moscow.
How did all this come to pass?
Come, let me tell you how:

Trump had lousy FICO scores.
Bad credit. Funds were short.
So he borrowed from the Russian banks,
Lenders of last resort.

A hundred million dollars,
Maybe two, or maybe three.
(It’s written in his taxes,
Which he’ll never let us see).

In summer, Putin said to Trump,
“We’ll wipe that debt away,
If you lift these sanctions
When you win Election Day.”

And then he made an offer
That Trump could not refuse:
“We’ll forgive all that you owe,

Well, Trump was losing bigly,
And he had financial need.
Why not wipe out all that debt?
So Donald Trump agreed.

Then Putin sent his minions,
His hackers and his trolls.
(The GOP conspired by
Suppressing voter rolls).

And we all know what happened next.
Clinton lost! Trump won!
But winning meant that to his head
The Russians held a gun.

He’d have to lift the sanctions,
Or be subject to blackmail.
He’d have to lift the sanctions,
Or else Trump would go to jail.

He’s begun to lift the sanctions now!
He doesn’t have a choice.
(On the Putin phone call,
He did not record the voice.)

He’ll do whatever Putin says,
No matter how insane.
He’ll piss off all our allies,
He’ll let him take Ukraine.

He’ll do whatever Putin says,
For Trump has over-reached.
He’ll do whatever Putin says,
Until he is impeached.


About Billy The Poet

J. Edgar Nation must die.
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