What Women’s Names Say About Them (On the Radio)

[With apologies to BuzzFeed]

Sherry. (Thanks to Marc Tyler Nobleman for the screenshot).

Sherrie. (Thanks to Marc Tyler Nobleman for the screenshot).

Alison leaves her pretty fingers lying in the wedding cake.

Angie can’t say we never tried.

Athena’s just a girl (and a bomb).

Bertha don’t come around here anymore.

Beth feels so empty.

Billie Jean‘s like a beauty queen from a movie scene.

Carrie Anne plays with older boys and prefects.

Cecilia breaks my confidence daily.

Diane‘s debutante in the backseat of Jackie’s car.

Emily tries and misunderstands.

Georgie swings down the street so fancy-free.

Gloria‘s five foot four from her head to the ground.

Jane is done with Sergio.

Janie‘s got a gun.

Kathy‘s counting the cars on the New Jersey Turnpike.

Laura has a very hard time. All her life has been one long disaster.

Layla won’t ease my worried mind.

Lola has a dark brown voice.

Lucy’s in the sky—with diamonds.

Maggie’s face in the morning sun really shows her age.

Mary’s dress waves. Also, her name is cried by the wind.

Michelle only understands the three words I love you.

Nikki masturbates with magazines in hotel lobbies.

Prudence won’t come out to play.

Rita’s filling out tickets in a little white book.

Rosalita won’t come out tonight.

Roxanne sells her body to the night.

Ruby‘s painted up her lips and rolled and curled her tinted hair.

Sara smiles.

Sheena is a punk rocker.

Sheila takes a bow.

Sherrie should have been gone.

Stephanie wants to know why she’s given half her life to people she hates now.

Sue goes out with other guys.

Susie’s fast asleep.

Veronica sits in her favorite chair, quietly and still.

Wendy dies on the street in an everlasting kiss.


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